This weekend we had our second annual trip with friends up to South Skookum Lake. True to form (we will see if this repeats next year!) we had a small hiccup early on^[1] that caused our plans to shift somewhat. When we arrived at South Skookum Lake on Friday evening, it should have been closed, it was not. The camp host was still on the grounds and she insisted that we could not camp there. This is not technically true since you can always camp in National Forest campgrounds, whether the road to them is open or not. This is why we camp there, we have the place basically to ourselves and the only cost is having to hike in our stuff. As we spoke to her the truth of why she did not want us there came out, it was her birthday and she had friends in the grounds for a party. At this point we were tired of arguing (and I for one did not want to be kept up all night by some drunken birthday party) so we left. Next year we are going to see about obtaining permission directly from the forest service so that that does not happen again.

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Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.” - - Jim Valvano

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

90 years ago today the Armistice that ended World War I was signed. (It is where we get the phrase “the eleventh hour” in fact since it was signed on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.)

Over 20 million people, both military and civilian died and 21 million were wounded. Think about that number for a moment, 41 million people.

• That is more people then in the entire state of California.
• It is more then twice the population of New York State.
• 41 million is 16 times the population of Toronto.

Since World War I, we of course had World War II, the deadliest war in history, over 72 million people - men, women and children, lost their lives. The world has had countless other wars, 5 million died in Vietnam, 5.4 million in the Second Congo War… 4193 Americans have died in the current war in Iraq, over 1,000,000 Iraqis have died, though there are no exact numbers.

I am not saying all this to make an pro or anti-war stance, just think about the numbers for a minute. To me they speak for themselves to the horror of war. I saw a picture of a girl a child who had been raped to death in Africa during the Rwandan genocide in 1994 (where over 800,000 were killed in only 100 days, less then 4 months.) That is one of the faces of war, the kind that haunts one’s dreams for a lifetime. I think it is the face we should remember when we talk about going to war or being in a war, it is not just soldiers’ families who are effected. War effects everyone.

Anyhow, today is Veterans Day. I give my love and support to those who have and must endure war, both civilian and military. The pictures are enough to change me forever, I can’t even begin to imagine what seeing killing like that in person does to someone. I pray for those people, that they might find hope to live through it and peace after.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

One lamp - thy mother’s love - amid the stars
Shall lift its pure flame changeless, and before
The throne of God, burn through eternity -
Holy - as it was lit and lent thee here.

~ Nathaniel Parker Willis

Damian turned four months old today. He had a check up with Dr Kincaid this afternoon and he is healthy and perfect in every way (and teething!) This evening her crawled all the way across the bed. I’m so insanely proud. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by, four months already!

And yet… I can hardly imagine life without my Bumblebee. When I try to imagine it, my existence feels so incomplete without him. When I look at Damian (growing so fast!) soundly sleeping against my legs as I type this, I know that I would do anything for him. I know that I would give my life to protect him, I would have given my life even before he was born to protect him. I wonder if all mothers feel this way?

Some might say (and have said,) it has only been four months, how can I be so certain of the depth and berth of my love for my son? In response I can only say, how could I ever be uncertain? My love for Damian echoes in every cell, in every molecule of my being. No matter how much he can frustrate me, I always love him. I loved him before I met him.

Recently, in one of my online communities, a mother lost her three month old daughter to SIDS. I cannot even begin to fathom that kind of pain. Quite literally, my mind will not even allow my thoughts to wander in that direction, there is a white hot wall of agony barring my mind from dwelling on that horrific thought for more then a second. My heart has never ached so much at any other thought. The mother of that baby left the community, questioning if she should even be in the group anymore, as she was no longer a mother.

I wanted to cry out and wrap my arms around her, holding her as much to sooth her pain as my own. I want to cry “You will ALWAYS be a mother!” Even if she must wait till the end of her days on this Earth to hold her child again. I truly and deeply believe her baby will be waiting for her in the life after, unchanged in the face of time and in the care of angels.

Motherhood is a transformation of self that can never be reversed. Damian is a part of me. I will never again be the same person as I was before he was conceived. To be a mother is to acknowledge a love so infinite that even God stands in awe of its power. It is to be Goddess. Such a bond cannot be broken, especially not by mortal death, for as long as we draw breath, the memories of our children live on in this world. And when we draw breath no more, we will find ourselves in the Sommerlands with them running into our arms.

I wonder if all mothers feel this way?

(Photo taken by Andrea and fiddled with by me.)

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I was working on putting all the information I have on Lughnasadh together in an understandable order when I ran across this feast blessing. I have always rather liked it but I have no clue what the original source was. Does anyone recognize it?

Now is the Time of the First Harvest,
When the bounties of Nature give of themselves
So that we may survive
O God of the ripening fields, Lord of the Grain,
Grant me the understanding of Sacrifice
As you prepare to deliver yourself
Under the sickle of the Goddess

And journey to the lands of Eternal Summer
O Goddess of the Dark Moon,
Teach me the secrets of rebirth
as the Sun loses its strength and the nights grow cold.

I partake of the First Harvest,
Mixing its energies with mine
That I may continue my quest
For the starry wisdom of Perfection
O Lady of the Moon and Lord of the Sun,
before Whom the Stars halt their courses,
I offer my thanks
For the continuing Fertility of the Earth.
May the nodding grain loose its seeds
To be buried in the Mother’s breast
Ensuring Rebirth in the Warmth of next Spring.

[EDIT: A commenter informed me that it originally appeared in "Wicca, A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" by Scott Cunningham.]

My dad will be arriving in Spokane to visit on Lughnasadh, hopefully we won’t scare him too much, hehe.

Some people have asked me if I will be raising Damian in my spiritual path, the answer is yes and no. I have no desire to hide my spirituality with him or exclude him from the traditions Michael and I have formed (such as celebrating the sabbats.) I think family traditions are important and give a child memories to look back on later in life, much the way I fondly look back on Christmas and Easter now.

This will be his first Lughnasadh and he will be present for our celebration of course. As he grows I will explain as much of our beliefs to him as I feel he is ready to absorb. I also intend on teaching him other belief systems as well, and ultimately the choice if what he wishes to practice is his. There is no such thing as too much knowledge. When he is older, if he chooses to continue to follow my path, so be it, if he is called to another, so be it.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.