Though we do our main gifts unwrapping on Christmas Day (as that is the day Michael always has off work) we tend to share a couple smaller gifts on Winter Solstice. This weekend we had a small Solstice gathering at our home and Michelle gave Damian the small wooden car in the picture (she also brought onsies and a hand knitted blanket for Ivy as well as an heirloom crib quilt.) Every year Michael gives me the beautiful We’Moon datebook on the Solstice and I tend to make him something by hand. This year I made him a set of juggling balls.

(Damian with the heirloom crib quilt. It has bluebirds on it.)

I bought The Return of the Light for our children. It contains 12 short stories from around the world about the return of light, perfect for the Solstice. Reading to them is very important to me and I love it when I am able to find seasonal as well as spiritual stories. Ideally, I would have given it to them for Saint Nicholas Day but it arrived several days later, so Solstice it is! (Theoretically, I will have it a little more together next year. Not surprisingly, Ivy’s birth put a bit of a hold on some holiday surprises this year.)

Of course I like receiving gifts, I adore my datebook filled with beautiful images and inspirational works, but I do not think anything makes me quite so happy as seeing the look of the faces of the people I give to. It was nice seeing Michael juggling within minutes of opening his gift (and Damian giggling with joy) it is wonderful to have Damian cuddle up beside me while I feed Ivy and read them both a story. Lasting happiness for me is in those moments more then anything else.

Originally published at Paganites :: Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

This morning I realized that I have lived in Spokane, WA longer then I have lived anywhere else in my life, over 5 years now. My passport tells me that I am Canadian. I was born there and lived there for about 3 years. My mother and most of her family lives there but beyond loving Nanaimo bars and butter tarts (and really, who doesn’t?) I do not consider myself Canadian.

After my family left Canada we lived in Raleigh, North Carolina until I was 8, Poissy, France until I was 13, Indianapolis, Indiana until I was 14 and Sitges, Spain until I was 18. We always moved in the summer as not to mess with my brother and my school year. We spent most summers visiting my Grandma Mason in Canada we never had much to do with the actual packing, house hunting and moving though. While I don’t regret how much we moved, I always missed loosing all the friends I had struggled to make.

I left home a week or two after I turned 18 and lived in Indianapolis again for about 8 months before moving here to Spokane, WA. I’ve been here since September 11th, 2004, just over 5 years now. I think I have lived here the longest, give or take a couple months. I have most certainly lived in the United States for the largest portion of my life, about 12 years, (I lived in Europe for about 8,) so if anything I am more American then Canadian, even more European than Canadian. I don’t think I could even vote in the Canadian federal elections as I did not live there long enough, certainly not the provincial ones as I do not have a permanent residence in Canada. It doesn’t both me, if anything I considered myself a Washingtonian, which by default makes me an American in all but legal status. I fully intend on getting US citizenship when I am able.

Sometimes people are baffled or downright opposed to me becoming an American but I don’t think they realize how much I have invested in this country. My husband and my son are Americans, my daughter will be and in all likelihood any other children I have will also be. I am deeply proud of the diversity found in the United States and care about the issues of this country more then any other and yet as a permanent resident I do not have a say as I cannot vote. (I can’t vote anywhere, that just isn’t fair!) I cannot even legally sign a petition here.

Anyhow, I just wanted to share my realization more then anything. I remember someone telling me when I moved here I would be bored within a couple years and itch to leave, but after more than twice that time I still have no urge whatsoever to move. I love Spokane, I love the United States, and while I am for the most part grateful for the opportunities I had moving so much as a child, I am beyond happy to have found a place that I love so much to settle in and raise my family.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I lived in Spain on September 11th, 2001. I do not remember where I was nor do I remember watching much media coverage of it. To be completely honest it didn’t really effect in any deep way beyond basic compassion for those suffering. Living where I have and having the friends I did (from all countries as I was in an international school) terrorists attacks were something you just accepted. Bombs in the train station in Paris, car bombs and kidnapings in Spain, friends from countries committing horrible war crimes. Over time I have come to understand how that day pulled away the sense of security so many American’s must have felt before then but I doubt it will ever effect me as deeply as it does most Americans.

More then anything, September 11th is a special day for me. I flew out to Spokane to live with Michael five years ago today. It is hard to believe it has already been five years and at the same time it is hard to believe I have not been here forever. I have put down my roots here and this is where I want to stay, this is where I am happiest. I love Spokane, I love it’s people and I love my life here. I feel so blessed to have ended up in this little place and so blessed to be living such a wonderful life with the one I love.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

One of this blog’s readers has identified my two deck spiders as Cat-Faced Spiders and I am 99% certain that he is correct. Thank you Drew!

Today is the last day of August and though it is still hot I am seeing signs of Autumn all around. For me the season officially starts at Lughnasadh, August 1st, when I first start noticing the shortening days and reaping the first larger harvests from my garden. It is also when the first Autumn and Winter crops go in the ground (the first of those plantings, radishes, should be ready is a week or two.) Autumn is also a very creative time for me. Whereas Summer is more of a fun in the sun time for me, Autumn begins to turn my thoughts more inward and I find myself opening my hobby bins again. I picked up my knitting needles for the first time is several months this week.

I am a firm believer that everyone needs their own space to get away, just as I am a firm believer that everyone needs a hobby. Mine in the Summer is the garden. Planting, weeding, harvesting are my escape. Otherwise photography is a joy for me in every season and when the weather cools a wide variety of crafts come into play. I have my space in the home where I do these things, where I can get away for a bit of me time. Sometimes I noticed recently is that Michael really does not have a space like that. What we jokingly refer to as a Man Cave for him. My hobbies are generally very portable and easy to keep Damian from mangling too much, however Michael’s hobbies involve lots of electronics and therefor cables. Not so easily baby-proof! And while Damian is learning his boundaries, Ivy is on the way and the process will begin all over again.

For a few weeks I have been reorganizing the basement. I initially wanted to put grow lights in the laundry area for starting seeds and winter green but with the realization that Michael needs some space I have also been carving out an area near the stairs for his cave. Yesterday Michael moved my spare kitchen table down into the basement and I also ordered him a stand for the Yamaha keyboard I gave him a couple years ago. He still needs to set up his spare computer but the man cave is nearing completion! And for next to no coin.

One thing did warranted a small purchase though, I lost my spare kitchen table! So yesterday afternoon we headed over to the General Store and bought some reasonable shelving to put in the area the table once occupied. I am really pleased with how it looks. This new shelving is going to work a lot better in the kitchen then the table ever did. It is further out of child-reach and there will be no more big piles of jumbled stuff heaped in the middle of a table.

Overtime I’d like to find a 5×8 area rug and something better then a kitchen chair for the man cave but those are things I will just stalk Craigslist for. I also want to install one of my daylight lights down there for him as we both get seasonal depression and he will need more light then the little basement window allows for. I think it is really important for a family to have both together and away time from each other. I know that as much as I love Michael and Damian sometimes I just need time alone! And Michael is the same way. I really believe that some distance helps the heart grow fonder. I am really happy we made this space for Michael. I was teasing him about how he can have a place to put all his tacky man-things from his bachelor days, but then we realized he doesn’t really have anything like that. Yes, I got one with good taste!

Still, maybe I should get him a disco ball…

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Facing a dying nation of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes[...]

Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in
The sunshine in

Maybe I have simply watched Hair and Across the Universe a few too many times but I often feel that I belong in the sixties and seventies. Not just because of the hair, the music and the clothes (though admittedly images do factor into the equation) but also because of the desire to be a part of such a widespread movement of peace, love and not accepting the status quo as truth.

My parents grew up in the “hippy” generation and I wonder if they would find my thoughts on it and romanticized. I wonder if they had as jaded an outlook on their peers as I do? My generation seems so selfish at times, so disconnected from the idea of compassion and too plugged into personal drama. It is hard to have a real conversation with someone anymore without them multitasking a million other things on some electronic device or them thinking that your opinions are a direct assault on them.

Not that I think we are doomed or should ditch our cellphones and laptops and run off to some off the grid commune to live in peace and love. I’m not a luddite (though some might call me one in jest!) nor do I believe in shutting out the world (how then can you fix the injustices?) I do think it is so important to unplug, step back, and consider if we are on the right track sometimes. The world is not going to end if we cannot check facebook, take a walk, or go to the store without our cell phones. I don’t think it would hurt any of us to slow down and appreciate a slow pace in life. I personally think it would make us healthier.

I am curious about what people think of my generation, including my peers. I know we are not all drama-queens and kings where the number of thiings we own and people we use dictate our place in some imaginary popularity contest; but I admit, it feels that way some days.

(Until my new camera arrives my Aunt Ruth has graciously allowed me to use her stunning photos in my posts. Check out her blog and flickr.)

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

What is forgiveness? The word itself comes from the Latin “perdonare” which means “to give completely, without reservation.” I suppose that is true but that seems to simple for something that is so incredibly difficult. I see forgiveness as the need to untie yourself from that which binds you to an offense that was committed against you. In forgiving we release the feelings that hold sway over up allowing us to shed the emotional baggage can had hold us back.

It is so easy to become tangled in a mess of bitterness and resentment that swells to the point that it becomes hard to even remember how it began. It is sometimes hard to see that forgiveness is not the same as condoning negative behavior, nor is it the a synonym for forgetting. Rather, it is a decision to allowing positive energy hold greater sway in your life, and while forgiveness can ultimately lead to feelings for compassion for the one who hurt you, I think that it is and should be done for self first and foremost.

It is never easy for me to forgive but it is as important to my spiritual practice and wellbeing (two aspects of my life that I see as one) as the practice of compassion. How to I find the capacity to forgive within myself? That normally takes solitude on my part, often I find I have to forgive actions within my own heart before I can find enough positivity to allow myself to pardon another. Oddly enough it is easier for me to find and feel compassion for a person who hurt me long before I find forgiveness.

How about you? Is forgiveness important in your life? Why?

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

In one of my Aunt Ruth’s recent blog posts she asked: “Do you enjoy summer picnics, with your family or community? Or am I right in thinking they are becoming a thing of the past?” Which kind of inspired me to write this entry, though I do not get to answering her question until later.

This weekend was very busy for us. After Michael came home from work on Friday, we turned around and left to take Damian to his one year check up. He is doing fantastically well. Dr. Kincaid was amazed by his height, how well he is walking and all those teeth.

I’d like to say I was totally present at the checkup but I was a bit out of it since I had a migraine. I would just like to say that there is a difference between a headache and a migraine. When I say I have a migraine it means that bright light and noise causes pain so intense that I vomit continuously. I have gotten then for as long as I can remember but I know most of my triggers so I can prevent or at least reduce the intensity of most of them. However I cannot avoid them at three times, when I menstruate, when I ovulate and, apparently, when I am in my first trimester of pregnancy. I had them with Damian and now I have them again. I have been getting them one to three times a week (or rather once a week for three days in a row…) I cannot take any medication that would take the edge off since I am pregnant. However, I have discovered relief. Obey the Cravings. If I obey my cravings 80% of the time they go away.

So after the doctor, Michael took me to Panda Express (Chinese fast food place) since I was craving white rice and steamed veggies. You would think I would have eaten rice and veggies on Wednesday when the migraine began to manifest but I guess the cure just seems so ridiculous to me that I always think it won’t work (last time the “cure” was Dick’s hamburger and fries. Mmmm healthy…) Anyhow the migraine was gone before I finished eating, leaving me with just a blissful (and I mean that) headache.

So then we came home, and since I was feeling all renewed, we tossed some stuff in the van, turn around and drove out to Willow Bay for a second dinner of steak and potato salad with Michael’s of the family. (I am going to blog about that separately so I can profess my deep love for getting out of town and pretty bird houses.) But I wanted to answer my Aunt Ruth’s question. I throughly enjoy summer picnics with family, we actually do a potluck on the third Sunday of every month with Michael’s side so that we don’t fall out of touch. I do think those type of events seem to be falling out of favor with my generation though, maybe in favor of the thing we did on Sunday, but I’ll get to that in a moment.

On Saturday we shopped, and then shopped some more and then shopped… We are going to a big three day campout next weekend so we had to pick up everything we needed for that and did our monthly Costco trip. We also stopped at Michael’s work and bought a 14 count case of organic broccoli, a 10lbs box of local organic snap peas and a 25lbs box of rainbow rotini (pasta salad season!)

On Sunday we ended up running out for a few more things and I processed the aforementioned case of broccoli for freezing. (My feet hurt.) And then went to see more “family” since Andrea and Peter invited several of our friends over for dinner. Homemade gnocchis, strawberry rhubarb pie, fruit salad… Yummy! I brought broccoli (surprise!) and carrot salad. Did I mention that there was pie?

So now I want to add on to my answer to my aunt’s question. I think staying connected to family is important, but I also think, as far as my generation is concerned, the term family has grown beyond biological (enough so that there is the newer term out there combining friends and family, “framily”.) I know that I do the things with my “framily” that I would do with family. We go on picnics, meet up several times a month, go on camping trips, have potlucks, share some holidays together… Our closest friends are Aunts and Uncles to Damian rather then just our friends.

I enjoy family and framily gatherings, but I do think the generational family gatherings are falling out of favor these days in favor of “framily” gatherings. I can see why some people have drifted with family gatherings, you can chose your friends but you cannot chose your family. In a lot of ways it is often easier to be who you are and find acceptance among like-minded friends rather then family that might have preconceived notions of you formed during your youth. However, I think we forget that even though families have their own squabbles, that there is a unique kind of love that can only come from those you were surrounded by growing up. There is a whole set of learning experiences stems from interacting with family. We have to understand where we came from to know where we are going. At the end of the day there is room in my life for family and framily and I deeply love and enjoy both.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I suppose I have to post an update since Michael blogged (didn’t expect him to do it that fast!)

Life wanders on at the Stewart household. I think our house needs a name by the way, so I am open to suggestions that you feel reflects our personality. We are settling in nicely, I have one of the last loads from the townhouse to unpack today. (Note to Self: Never move in this way again, it is the cheapest but the most annoying way ever.) Nothing too untoward has happened, but I think every time you move into a new place, one or two things always go wrong. This place was no exception. The first time Michael took a bath, when he drained the tub it backed up in the basement and flooded the main area down there with about an inch of water (which then drained slowly.) Turns out we had a clog in the main line, which was supposable already snaked. They came back the next day and we haven’t had a problem since. We also have a huge pine in the backyard and the windstorm on Sunday knocked several big branches off of it. I would really like it taken out before next Winter, I would obviously suck if it fell on our roof. It is windy again today so I want to wait for a calmer day to go pull the branches off the fence and out of the lower branches.

The picture above was take out of back door on to the deck on March 10th. The snow is all gone now (though there is about an half and inch of hail on it from last night though, crazy Spring weather.) I am looking forward to the unstable weather wrapping up here in a month or so, I want to plant my garden! I ordered heirloom seeds and transplants from Seed Savers Exchange. From seed I will be growing Empress Snap Beans, Sweet Genovese Bail, Titan Sunflowers, Black Beauty Zucchini and True Lemon Cucumber (photos on the packets here.) I also ordered Amish Pie Pumpkins but they are on backorder till later in the month right now. As far as transplants go, I ordered 5 tomato and one ground cherry, which will be delivered on May 18th. I have to admit, beyond all the veggies I am most looking forward to growing one of my favorite flowers, sunflowers. Titan Sunflowers supposable grow 12 feet tall and have 24 inch flowers.

I want to make raised beds but I think that will have to wait till next year since money is tight. I don’t even have the basic tools yet (hoe, garden fork, shovel, bow rake.) Heck we don’t even have a lawn mower, we don’t even know if we have a lawn under the snow yet! Anyways, expect a large portion of my blogging from now on to be spent sharing about my garden experiences.

Regarding blogging… My time offline has given me a little perspective as well as a bit of an identity crisis. I am finding I really like spending the bulk of my time away from the computer and part of me does not even really want to return to it. Why do I blog? Do I even want to keep doing it? Is it worth the time investment?

Michael says people like reading my blog and gain insight from it and if I am offline too long I will lose readership. Do I really care? I don’t know. I keep a handwritten diary, which is enough for me. What do I know? I know I will keep updating Damian’s blog for my family and I know I will want to share about my garden. Beyond that I think I want to focus on my photoblog (which I want to recombine with this one) and maybe my podcast site, which I haven’t touched since Samhain (though I have several unedited podcasts on my laptop.)

So hopefully you will all hang around and bear with us for a bit longer while we continue to settle in to our new home and find our routine. Hopefully you will also all bear with me while I figure out where I want to take my blog from here too.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

“You would know the secret of death
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
For death and life are one, even as a river and the sea are one.
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and melt into into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides,
That it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?”
- Kahlil Gibran

Lately I have been working on a podcast about death from a Pagan (or rather from this Pagan’s) perspective. I have experienced several kinds of death in my life, but most recently two people I love have loved ones close to death. One person’s mother is days, maybe even hours away from cancer taking her and the other will probably miscarry within a few weeks due to a genetic problem with her baby. Both these deaths are so different, and evoke totally different emotional conflicts in me.

My heart goes out to the mother of my friend and his family. I have seen cancer destroy an elderly friend first hand and witnesses her family’s bravery as they midwifed her final moments. I led the crossing over ritual with them as we called on the spirits to guide her soul into the Sommerlands and I grieved her death. I also celebrate her life though. She had a chance to live, to love, to laugh and smile. I think everyone’s life is worth remember, their accomplishments worth appreciating, and their faith worth respecting. From what I hear of my friend’s mother, her life sounds like it was amazing and it is a comfort to know she will die surrounded by those who love her so deeply.

With miscarriage… I don’t know where to begin the grief process. My heart flies out to the parents of the unborn child but my mind will not cannot go there emotionally. Not that I am detached from the loss, but maybe it is because I do not know the unborn child. I think in the case of miscarriage I grieve more for the mother’s grief if that makes sense. As a pregnant woman, I knew Damian in the womb in a way only I could. I knew I wanted him, I knew I would adore everything about him, I know how he felt, I just knew him. The pain of the thought of losing him is it just too great for my mind to dwell on. Maybe that is why I cannot stay on the thought of the baby dying.

I have my own beliefs regarding the afterlife of course, but I think that they are relatively moot when it comes to comforting someone who has lost a loved one. The words always seem lacking when the moment comes to offer them. “I’m sorry.” seems empty, “Is there anything I can do?” seems nosy, “I feel your loss.” seems dismissive. Proclamations of faith (particularly a faith that conflicts with those who have lost) seem so misplaced. I have a book on Pagan death and a few others with stories of crossing over that I can refer to, I can feel the comfort they offer in my soul but can never seem to put it into words (maybe this is why the podcast I am working on is so tough.)

When I am with someone who is grieving all I want to do is hold them like I hold my own child, with complete love, devoid of judgment and inspired by a hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Is that wrong? Should I have more to say? Or is that enough?

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

While Damian was taking his morning nap I took the opportunity to take a bag of trash out and WHOOPS! I slipped on some ice and landed right on my butt, hard. Hello bruised buttocks! (I looked up buttocks on google (for spelling) the second result was Buttock augmentation. Disturbing!) And you just can’t put and ice pack on your rear… of course I landed on some ice, but that just isn’t the same. Can you break your tail bone? Is it actually a bone?

You know every time I have fallen like that I think “Wow, I am so going to be feeling that again when I’m 50!” (Apologizes to any age sensitive 50+ year olds.) I wonder if all my injuries from my youth really will come back to haunt me. I feel some of them already, especially when the weather changes. The knee I hurt skiing, the arm I broke playing hockey… my beau at the time ran over it you know? I don’t think Michael has ever broken a bone… My dad has always been really into sports, I wonder if his old injuries act up now?

Michael is back at work today, he has been on vacation for the past week. Damian seems to miss him, he keeps looking around like he lost something. Of course we lost some sleep, it is hard getting back into the groove of things.

Part of me says I should skip my morning walk today, but another part of me says it will make me feel better, like walking out a cramp. I don’t think anything is as healing as being outside. I love the smell of cold mornings at the park. I thinking I need winter boots, or maybe I should just get some chains for my regular shoes. Not walking is out of the question. A huge part of staying healthy is being in shape. Still, I think I will be changing a bit more of my routine to the indoors.

What causes seasonal depression? I start feeling it this time of year. I miss the sun (though I have a light that is suppose to imitate it - my plants aren’t impressed though.) Is it a lack of vitamin D? How important is it anyways?

Anyhow Damian is waking up and I have lots to do so I will end this here. I hope everyone has a nice (and slip-free) day.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I usually sleep in on Saturdays, and even more so when we stay up late feeding our Smallville addication. But this morning was different. About 6am, I woke up because the fan was blowing on me, and it had finally cooled down enough that it was uncomfortable. I tried to ignore it, but finally gave in and got out of bed to turn it off. I laid in bed trying to fall back asleep, but instead it seems I’m up for the day — my mind wouldn’t go back to sleep, it has been racing a million miles a second. It seems I am stressed about work, specifically maintaining country of origin labeling (COOL) codes in the computer. And I guess I should be, we have some 7000 item codes that need to be kept up to date. It was originally supposed to be a cooperative effort, the buyers working together with me to keep them maintained. But it seems somewhere they got it into their heads that I would be taking care of everything, updating the COOL codes from the bill of lading paperwork when the item lands. I took this up with my boss Thursday, and she said she would get back to me. I suspect I’m going to be stuck with it.

When I lay in bed awake on mornings like this, I am able to brainstorm and problem solve very efficiently. So now I have a plan to make my life easier when it comes to maintaining COOL codes - I will have to experiment on Monday to make sure it works. I am hoping it will, or I will have to have a part time assistant to get everything done, at least if they don’t want me getting overtime (they already start nagging on me if I even approach 40 hours).

After coming up with my solutions, I rolled over and cuddled with Jaspy, propping myself up and watching Damian sleep. Sleeping children are a beautiful thing. I think he was having a nightmare, though of what I have no idea, he has never had a traumatic experience. I wonder what he dreams of. His eyes are twitching, obviously in REM sleep. He startles a few times, makes sad faces, and makes a few sad sounds. What could make my baby-cakes so sad? It tears my heart out, so I stroke his face and he calms down. He wakes up a few minutes later, and Jaspy takes him potty.

Today, we are going apple picking, what has become a yearly tradition to celebrate the autumn equinox. The equinox is close, just a few short days away. The equinoxes and solstices have always been power days for me, when I reconnect, and re-balance, and re-evaluate my life. I can feel this one coming on, I feel the stress fading away and I an energized. This weekend is going to be good.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Michael. Please leave any comments there.

Why do I celebrate Samhain? I do not practice Wicca and though my path is eclectic I don’t have too many Celtic-based beliefs incorporated in my practices. Also, Samhain always leaves me with questions. Why, only on this night, do many that that the veil between living and dieing the thinnest? Simply because someone says so? Even non-believers seem to know the supernatural is more active at this time.

Samhain, All Souls Day, Halloween… This day seems important to so many, beyond the candy and costumes. Why? To the Celts, Samhain meant “November” and the first few days were festival days for them, marking the beginning of Winter and their new year. In those times, the crops would have been reaped and stored by now. Peoples’ thoughts would turn to wondering if the earth had provided enough to last through the Winter. People seemed more at peace with death back then, enough so that they took these days to honor it. Of course, that may be a romanticized view, especially when looking at it from a culture that seemingly fears any of life’s transitions.

Perhaps we celebrate Samhain and death at this time because such thoughts are too heavy to be on our mind all year around. I think it is tradition that thins the veil. There is a theory called Morphic Resonance which gives me some evidence of this. Morphic Resonance is the thought that “human nature” is more like “human habit” and if we change our habits for long enough they will become so defined that they seem unchanging. Does tradition and faith cause certain days or rituals to be more “real”? Are we carving out our own realities with our beliefs? Does Samhain put us in the right mindset to do certain types of magic like divination? Human consciousness is more connected then we think.

My questions aside, I do intend on celebrating this season and Samhain. Maybe it is the darkening days or the chill in the air, but at this time of the year, my thoughts simply seem to turn more to death and rebirth. It “feels” right to celebrate this high day and I have no better reason to offer then that. On the eve of Samhain, I set and extra place at the table to honor my ancestors. I spend time meditating on their lives and reflect on my own mortality. Sometimes I do divination or a small ritual. I always honor nature by bringing some of it into my home and going out into it to admire its changes.

This will be my first Samhain pregnant and as of late my thoughts rest on rebirth. This little spirit inside of me maybe have an old or new soul, and either way I cannot wait to get to know it. It gives me faith in continuation after death. Although my Capricornian personality may sometimes disagree, I think that maybe I don’t always need scientific proof and reason to enjoy something, just faith. I simple feel this Samhain will be more special for me then any other and for now, that is all I need to know.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

The fog is swirling around downtown this morning. The rising sun seems to be thickening it rather then burning it off; everything is glowing. I love the fog, it softens the city’s hard edges and mutes the noise. Fog almost seems an element to itself, one of mystery and intrigue. It memorizes and transports the soul to another place.

Autumn is in full swing. The unpredictable weather, the harvest festivals and the changing leaves combine to create a beautiful mosaic about the fullness of life. I think the leaves are my favorite part of the season, they have always facinated me. When I was a small child I would collect lots of leaves from my neighborhood and stick them in my parents’ books. A few times my mother and I made crafts with the pressed foliage, but mostly they were forgotten then. I wonder if some of them are still there?

One of the crafts we made of “leaf glass”. We arranged leaves overlapping each other on wax paper. Then we placed another piece of wax paper on top of them and iron them. when you peel the wax paper from the leaves you are left with sheet of leaves that looks like stained glass. Today, as an adult with responiblities I sometimes long for the innocence of childhood. I never want to loose the feeling of being subject to whim and wonder.

Yesterday I bought a cookbook (the Better Homes and Garden cookbook) and I brought it with me to work today. As I was walking around the parking lot checking the cars I picked up some pretty leaves. when I came back to the booth and stuck them in my book. Maybe I will forget about them, but maybe I will make myself some stained glass. (I have only been able to find parchment paper in stores though, whatever happened to wax paper?)

When Michael and I have children, I don’t want to live through them, but I do hope that they can experience the same feelings of whim and wonder that I did.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

(More of these 6-inch altar wreaths are available on my website.)

Winter is an etching,
Spring a watercolor,
Summer an oil painting,
And autumn is a mosaic of them all.
~ Stanley Horowitz

With the arrival of Autumn, I feel the change of the seasons deep in my bones. The nights are getting longer and cooler, the fields are ripe or nearly ripe, and the leaves are changing to beautiful tones reds, yellows and browns. I find inner peace in this season but am also motivated by it. Maybe it is an ancient instinct telling me to prepare for the Winter.

I have felt under the weather for a few days but the Autumnal energy has been helping me get some stuff done. Spiritually, Autumn seems to have the ability to peal back layers on the heart and show us new, sometimes painful, things about ourselves and others.

Beyond packing for the move, I have been canning beets and apples lately. I have made apple pie the other day (lots of apples, can you tell?!) and today we are having apple yam casserole and broccoli with cheese for supper.

I normally have a ton of seasonal decorations up right now but as we are moving this weekend, they are all in a box. It is a near certainty that that box will be one of the first unpacked.

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.
~ George Eliot

Autumn is here and I love it.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

We will be moving at the beginning or the end of September, whenever the townhouse is ready, but I always like to pack early. I do not like to rush memories and that is what I always feel like I am packing.

Not everything is getting boxed yet of course, all my candle supplies are out, autumn approachs, which is a busier time for my business and I have left five books out, as well as clothing, kitchen stuff and a couple ritual supplies. I have quite a lot more to pack from all the closets still, that will be an adventure.

Books probably take up the most space of all the items I own, except maybe candles. I have read and reread them all - save a couple of Michael’s Stephen King ones. 90% of my books are non-fiction and maybe a quarter of those are spiritual autobiographies, my favorite genre at the moment.

It is funny really, how much I adore reading. I use to hate it as a child, I never was at the same level as my classes, so the teacher would force me to read out loud. It was extremely difficult for me and I constantly swapped words around or skipped entire lines without noticing. At one point I came home crying and my mother went to school and yelled at the teacher, which was quite embarrassing but I wasn’t asked to read out loud anymore! It was also around that time I was “diagnosed” with dyslexia and went through some therapy for it.

I do not think anyone enjoys being told they have a learning disorder, and I still try really hard not to see it that way, after all because of it I have developed quite a good memory for spoken words. In retrospect, it seems like I fought my parents every ounce of the way through therapy and hooked-on-phonics, but now as an older and maybe wise person now I am truly grateful they made me do it. I do not think I would love reading so much now if it had not of been for that.

I still have my moments of course, I still dislike reading out loud and when I look at pages in books sometimes I don’t see the letters but rather the shapes the spaces between the words create. I reread all my blog posts many upon many times and I know that I still make mistakes. (Woe be to the person who ever gets their hands on my handwritten journal, dyslexia works better the writing in code!)

This past Lughnasadh I was counting up from a guided meditation and went 5, 4, 3, 1! Which while embarrassing, I try to take it with a laugh and bow and cheer for all my fellow dyslexics to untie!

Laughter is the best medicine. Cliche but an amazing life lesson to see the truth in.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

(Dad are you getting my emails to your gmail?)

(My pentacle, this photo is also my wallpaper.)

A lot of people who see my pentacle ask me if I am Wiccan, which is cool - even if I am not. I think the main reason I cannot be Wiccan is that I cannot bide by the Rede. For those who do not know the Wiccan Rede this is the best know rule of it (and the one of which I speak):

Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill,
“An it harm none do what ye will.”

For me it is more, “harm none - to a point”. I would kill if I had to, if someone was attacking me and I had to get away, I would kill them if that is what I took. In a lesser circumstance, if someone was verbally abusing me, I would try not to yell, but, when the time was right, I would defend myself rather then turn the other cheek. At what point is the line drawn between not harming others and protecting yourself? If you think about it, ever single action we take has the potential to, consciously or unconsciously, harm someone.

If I do a non-specific spell to receive a good job, and then I get a job somewhere I put in a resume the next day, while that is awesome for me, I have just potential harmed someone: anyone who did not get the job and has to search longer to provide for their family. Or, lets say there is a Wiccan doctor, could he do a surgery knowing that he might kill the patient? Or chemo on knowing that it is a race to whether the cancer or chemo kills the patient first?

I see all these “harmful” experiences as “learning” experiences and necessary risks. While I do not think I would ever seek to purposely harm someone, it does happens, and I won’t flagellate myself. Rather I would review the situation and see what can be learned from the experience.

Of course some might say that the rede is not meant to be taken that way, that I am translating it too literally. That is probably why I do not follow any dogmatic religion though, I do take rules literally, it is when we get into interpretations that fights arise. Best that I make my own path and confront moral problems as they arise, not with doctrine, but with my conscience.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

“To see the world in a grain of sand, and to see heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour.” — William Blake

Michael and I went over and had dinner at Dottie’s home this evening. We had tacos and a good time. Of course Mother Nature had to come give us a little visit and a decent thunderstorm rolled through, snapping some branches and scaring the neighborhood pooches. It was a really nice change from the 100 degree weather that we have been having lately.

My friend recently split up with her husband of 21 years and she is back on the dating scene. She is seeing a nice man who treats her well and is spontaneous about love, in my mind that is all I can ask for in a relationship. To be treated with respect and to live for the moment. I feel I have that with Michael.

Michael and I left a bit early since we have been up since 4am (Michael has been working early this week) besides, we will be going to the Lavender Festival with them on Sunday. We took a bit of a detour on our way home of course, to look for storm damage. Didn’t find too much other than fallen branches but we did find some amazing sky views. Nature is my greatest teacher, She shows me how beautiful and simple life can be.

Life is too short for me to let moments of spontaneity slip by unappreciated. I try to remember to live in each moment, good or bad, so that I will never meet the day that I find my life has been in regret. I want to say that I was there. I do not just want to stay inside the yellow lines of the highway, but rather I want to make sure I explore the back roads.

It is about the journey, not the destination.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

As most of you probably know I am not Christian but I still see significant and important teachings in the bible though, just as I do in the Qu’ran, the Tao and the words of a medicine man etc. Anything that makes me think is of significance to me. In other words prepare yourself for a rambly God post.

Behold, now is the accepted time;
Behold, now is the day of Salvation.

This is one of my favorite biblical quotes. Salvation comes from the Greek “sodzo”, which means “to make whole and complete.” The essence of salvation to me is not in any doctrine or the belief in sin, but rather within myself. “God” is in me. I do believe in Hell, which might surprise people, but it not Hell in the traditional Christian sense, as the home of Satan and sin. To me, Hell is distance from God, it is the feeling of lack - not financial lack, but spiritual lack.

Perhaps I ought to give my definition of God so that I can elaborate. In the simplest terms possible:

God = Love

Not jealous love or romantic love, but love as wholeness. God/Love leads us to Salvation/Wholeness. Wholeness to be is a passionate desire to draw out the best in oneself and, in turn, help bring it out in others. I tend not to think of my beliefs in terms of God and Salvation though, which is a little too dogmatic and up to misconception for me. I use the terms Love and Wholeness instead, though in my head I do consider them to mean the same thing.

In the above quote about salvation, I like it because of its “in the moment” feel, there is no time like now. We don’t need to wait for wholeness or for someone to save us, we have all the tools within us to do so at this moment. We all have the potential to let the feeling of love and wholeness fill us. We have all that we need right now to save ourselves.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Happy fourth of July everyone!

From Wikipedia:

In the United States, Independence Day is a federal holiday celebrating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from Great Britain.

Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, picnics, baseball games, and various other public and private events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the United States. Fireworks have been associated with the Fourth of July since 1777.

So today we are going swimming, to a barbecue and to watch fireworks, well rounded day? Yes, but it is about more then partying, which a lot of people seem to forget. It is a day to remember what it means to have freedom.

My friend’s daughter is in boot camp at the moment, for the National Guard, and I am proud that she is joining the ranks of those who keep this country free. I have another friend in the Coast Guard, love her commitment too! Even though I might not agree with every or even any war fought, I respect the troops. It was troops who won the Independence of this country and it is troops that will keep us free in times of war.

I am not an American, but I live here as a Permanent Resident, I cannot vote, but I still have the right to speak my mind. To oppose or approve of the government. I have the right to be treated as an equal to men. I have the right to be Pagan without fear of persecution. To me freedom means I have the capacity of self-determination as an expression of my individual will. Freedom means I have the right to be me, the free spirit that I am, traveling my path in life.

Now to go to that barbecue!

PS: We saw Transformers last night, cheesy but still awesome, CGI orgasm.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

My aunt talked about hugging today on her blog and posted the link to this video. It made me laugh and cry, so I thought I would share it too: