Since early in my pregnancy with Ivy I had had a feeling she was going to be born on, my Grandpa Mason’s birthday, which is November 27th. As it turned out she was born on the 29th but I did go into labor on the evening of the 27th.

So many people have misconceptions of what labor is like. Most tv shows would have you believe that after weeks of bed rest from some unknown malady, a pregnant woman suddenly doubles over screaming in agony as her water explodes everywhere and then ten minutes later she pushes out a screaming perfectly clean baby. The mother never delivers the placenta on tv (in fact it is never even mentioned) and the mother’s body then magically reverts to it’s prepregnancy shape upon delivery of the child (haha.)

I say this because I want you to understand that when I say I went into labor on the 27th, I do not mean I was in active angry labor for a day and a half. What I mean is I had bloody show and sporadic light contractions that started on the evening of the 27th.

So what did I do now that it had begun? I took a bath and went to bed, and proceeded to slept through the night. (Not exactly Hollywood material is it?)

The next morning I woke up to the same light contractions of the evening before, but they were a bit more consistent, probably 10 or 15 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds. I guess this is what a lot of medical professionals would call “failure to progress” and would have been wanting to induce me at this point but it wasn’t bothering me and Ivy was still moving about. I felt she was just doing things on her own time. I messaged my two friends (Andrea and Shannon) who were to be present for the birth not to leave town that day though.

I do not like focusing on early labor as it makes the whole experience seem to last forever so I started cleaning the house. You could call it nesting, but really my mother raised me never to have people over in a messy house, and since Ivy was to be a homebirth, people would be coming over. I also baked a batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies and made a Winter vegetable stew, that is more like nesting for me, yummy food! I even did the dishes…

Even though I was constantly distracting myself, the day still really dragged. When evening finally rolled around I was getting a bit annoying by it all. I called my midwife (Beth attended this labor) and friends to let them know to expect a middle of the night call and get some sleep while they could, and then we ate dinner. Around eight Michael and I put Damian to bed and finished watching an episode of TNG before getting ready for bed ourselves. Of course once I was ready to crawl under the sheets, I moved into active labor. Even though I was a bit tired I was really quite relieved, finally some change! However the strength of the contractions also made me want to plant myself down where I stood and not move, which happened to be on my knees leaning over my exercise ball in the doorway of Damian’s playroom.

Michael called Beth and Andrea. As Andrea lives just 5 minutes from us so she was the first to arrive, she texted Shannon at some point as well. Before Shannon arrived Damian decided that it was a good time to wake up so Andrea took over for Michael (who was rubbing my back) while he went to comfort him. Little did we know that all the activity of Shannon and Beth arriving a few minutes later would keep Damian up all night! He was very well behaved as long as Michael was holding him though. Andrea and Shannon were like my doulas during labor, they were amazing. Michael and Damian sat near me, always within arms reach, which was very comforting.

Eventually Andrea and Shannon convinced me I would be more comfortable on the couch then between a rocking horse and wooden blocks, so I managed to move into the living room and lay down. They were right, way more comfortable! Granted they were making me feel like royalty with how much they were pampering me which certainly helped me relax.

Don’t get me wrong, contractions still really really suck, and I was having back labor which is particularly horrid but I was still really happy. I was also really funny, at least in my own mind I was. When I was in labor with Damian, even when I was in transition, everything was amusing to me and I kept trying to tell jokes but my contractions got in the way. It was the same this time too though I don’t remember what I said other than at some point I was trying to tell Andrea why I was laughing and it was because Henry Winkler was covered in bees (Little Nicky reference.)

After Beth arrived and was all set up (she really does bring everything, even an oxygen tank, just in case…) she checked my dilation. I remember groaning “I bet I’m at 4cm and will be forever!” And guess what? I was right! Okay, maybe it wasn’t forever, but after a couple more hours it felt like it. When I delivered Damian I tore a little and had some scar tissue left from that, so my cervix had to get past that hurtle before dilating past 4cm. My cervix got hung up again at 6cm, just like it did with Damian. My water still hadn’t broken but was bugling, just like it did with Damian. If my body had it’s own way, I have a feeling it would give birth to the baby still in the amniotic sac. Neither Linda or Beth have ever seen a sac as thick as mine, the Fort Knox of sacs… With Damian, Linda had to break my water with a special hook designed for that purpose, though it looks eerily like a crochet hook. I delivered him 1 minute to the hour after my water was broken. With this both Beth also gave me the option of breaking my water but I decided to wait awhile longer and see if it would on it’s own. I also switched position back to the floor leaning over my exercise ball and stayed there until I delivered Ivy.

At 1:30 in the morning on November 29th I asked Beth to break my water. Within minutes of her doing that I had the urge to push, much to Beth’s surprise. I was a bit surprised too as I had yet to go through transition. I went directly from active labor to the urge to push. I was not about to complain about it though! Then one of the most amusing things that can happen during labor happened, at least in my opinion, Beth asked me not to push for a few contractions (my cervix was not done dilating so it was swelling due to my pushes, which is a little counterproductive obviously.) This is probably only amusing to women who have been in labor and who know that the urge to push is quite possibly the most overwhelming feeling in existence. Asking me not to push is like asking the Earth to stop spinning.

However the Earth did stop spinning according to everyone present, or at least they said that I did manage to not push for a few contractions. I honestly don’t remember (probably because I was thinking of various people covered in bees) but I do remember Beth telling me I could push again which I was probably more then happy to do. I few pushes after that Ivy was crowning and then her head was out and Beth told me to stop pushing, again! Not so funny this time since the reason not to push was due to my baby’s cord being wrapped around her neck. Again I managed not to push for most of a contraction, long enough to loosen to cord. Unlike with Damian, I felt Ivy’s whole body coming out, not just her head, this is because Ivy’s head circumference at birth was 13.5″ and her chest was 14″. Normally the head is the largest part of a newborn but not my daughter. She needs that extra chest room for her amazing lungs, which she was happy to let us hear as soon as she was out, much to my own relief. (A cord around the neck is not as scary as it sounds but in that moment it was the most terrifying moment in my life.)

Ivy was born almost exactly an hour after my water was broken at 2:30, just like with Damian’s birth. Since I gave birth to her on my hands and knees it was a little funny getting me sat down and Ivy up onto my chest but but in no time she was wrapped in my arms and snuggled against me. Other then Beth drawing some cord blood (it is important for me to know if Ivy has a positive or negative blood type since I am RH-) I held my baby girl until her cord stopped pulsing and was cut (by my very excited friend Shannon), I delivered the placenta and then breastfed my baby girl for the first time.

After that everything was little bit of a blur. There came the usual weighting (8lbs,) measuring (21″,) and Ivy received her vitamin K shot. Michael put on her first diaper, clothes and swaddled her and then everyone got to hold her for a little while (I love watching my husband hold our children) while Beth checked me out and I got to cleaned myself up (yay! Labor comes with an unbelievable amount of bodily fluids…) A couple hours later after Beth had finished all her postbirth cleanup and paperwork, she was gone and it was just Michael, Damian, Ivy, Andrea, Shannon and myself left. It was only then that I realized Andrea had brought a huge fruit tray and hummus and chips, yum! We talked for a time, though I don’t remember about what, mostly because I was dozing off, which was quickly noticed by all. I didn’t want Andrea and Shannon to leave, they were so wonderful during the birth, but they did. We couldn’t be blessed with better friends. And then it was just Michael, Damian, myself and our newest little baby girl.

We all ended up in bed together (I was pointless to try and get Damian to sleep in his toddler bed at that point) and falling asleep. Michael and Damian were out like lights and Ivy was already asleep in the crook of my arm. The last thing I remember before sleep overtook me was seeing my family glowing in the light of the moon streaming in our bedroom window as if we were being blessed by the Moon Goddess herself. Perfect is the only word that comes to mind to describe that scene, it made ever moment in labor worth it.

Originally published at Paganites :: Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

In these last few days before the arrival of our second child arrives, I have been looking at the early photos of Damian and rereading his birth story. He has grown so much in these past 17 months, I’m in awe. This is one of my favorite, he is just a couple days old here, he is definitely still Daddy’s little man.

Damian is standing beside me at the moment making lion noises (rwar, rwar, RWAR!) while holding his stuffed lion, which was assisting me in the tickle attack on Damian a few minutes ago. He has been such a big help lately, his developmental milestones being closer to that of a two-year-old. He helps me unload the dishwasher, put his clothes and diapers away, sweep (okay, he TRIES to sweep, good enough for me.) Damian’s greatest help as of late though is that he seems to understand that I am tired a lot and he will just crawl in my lap and relax and nap with me. I haven’t a doubt that he will be a fantastic brother but I do anticipate a bit of confusion in the beginning, as he is so use to my undivided attention.

All the birth supplies that I can prepare are ready and in a storage bin in our bedroom, all the newborn supplies are in their proper place too, clothes in the dresser, cloth diapers rewashed and stacked in the changing table, breastfeeding supplies in a bag (Lansinoh is my breast friend.) As much as the baby companies would like you to think otherwise, newborns really don’t need much. Well, that isn’t exactly true, they need a ton, they need your attention, your joy, your deepest love… and a heck of a lot of diaper changes.

I feel as ready for this birth as I can be and I know Michael is too. People tend to downplay the role of their partners during labor but I know I could not have gotten through Damian’s natural birth without Michael’s support (and the constant pressure of his hands on my lower back.) I truly believe he worked just as hard as I did and he will again for this baby’s birth. However, as ready for her arrival as I am, I know she will not come one moment sooner then her own schedule dictates. I just wish I could peek into her day planner!

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

This past Saturday my friend Andrea held a Blessingway for me. It was so much fun to get together with my women friends and celebrate this pregnancy. Andrea took all these lovely photos of the occasion and there are more in a set on my flickr account.

After indulging in lots of delicious fruit (quite possibly one of the shortest ways to my heart,) opening a few lovely gifts and chatting it up, my friends did a belly cast on me. I don’t think I stopped laughing the entire time, with maybe a couple squeals from cold water running down my side (which was quickly rewarmed and the bowl placed on a heating pad.) Michael and Damian watched. Michael was as vastly amused as I was which was a comfort to Damian who was rather perplexed by what was going on.

I am undecided what I am going to paint on it and probably will not get to it until Ivy arrives either way. I am thinking maybe some design with lunar moths as they have been so prevalent in my dreams during this pregnancy (as have coyotes and shooting stars for that matter.) I have a feeling the birth will inspire me as to the design.

It was an exceptionally wonderful day and am reminded once again of how very blessed I am to have the friends that I do. I love you all.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

“I hope she falls, breaks her neck, becomes bedridden, gains hundreds of pounds, dies alone and burns in Hell.” — from my last entry

Wow, I can get pretty specific when I am upset can’t I? But you know what, that woman is not worth that much of my energy mental energy when I have so many wonderful things to focus on.

Today is beautiful and I am beautiful.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

A woman said something to me when I was at the park with Damian this morning that really hurt. I was sitting down for a minute to catch my breath after a Braxton Hicks (false contraction) and some woman just came up to me and informed me that I should get up and chase him around to loose “all that extra weight you’re packing and set a healthy example.”

Maybe I just look fat rather then pregnant in the Winter coat but that is no reason for her to have said that! I am measuring exactly where I am suppose to for this pregnancy. How is what she said even remotely helpful? Was it suppose to motivating? So bizarre form of tough love? Was she just trying to randomly hurt the feelings of a stranger? She succeeded in that last one.

I don’t understand how people can be so heartless, I’ve never had someone be so out-of-the-blue cruel to me before. I was having such a shitty morning and went to the park because it makes me feel better and I feel she stole that from me, and I let her. I’m angry that I feel this way and that the only thing I could sputter out was “What the hell is wrong with you?” and she shrugged smiled and walked off, and I let her. I should have grabbed her and slapped her smug bitchy face, I should have stayed in the park rather then coming home and crying.

I hope she falls, breaks her neck, becomes bedridden, gains hundreds of pounds, dies alone and burns in Hell. And no, I can’t even find it in me to feel sorry for her right. I just… I’m so upset. I miss my mom, she would have killed her with a look.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Rain is in the forecast for the rest of this week, but I can’t complain - at least it is not snow! Last week we had some record lows. We normally do not drop into the teens until January here and all the local grower were scrambling to get their harvests in, especially the apples. The temperatures put my new row cover to the test as it is only rated down to 24°F and we had a few nights that got down to 19°F, it seemed to hold it’s own though. Carrots, radishes and one of my kale seem to have survived, something ate my other kale though. We will see how stuff grows from here on out as this year’s Winter bed went in late and is admittedly a bit of an experiment as I’ve never had one before.

Damian demands time outside ever day and in spite of the little cough he is developing, today was no different. After bundling him up and tucking him into his raincoat, out we went. I think he was vastly impressed by the amount of slimy things he was able to locate around the yard. If it doesn’t rain through this weekend I want to finish tidying up the yard. I feel like the weather has been a little crazy this year, no Spring to speak of, sweltering and bone dry Summer, record breaking early cold and hard frosts. If anything this rain is as close to normal as we have gotten.

Halloween is coming up fast, just 15 days away. I would like to finish Damian’s costume this weekend. Once the 31st passes, there will be just a month until my due date and Ivy could come at 38 weeks like Damian too, so maybe less. Two weeks before that my friend is having a Blessingway for me, I am very much looking forward to that! Before then though we want to finish getting everything we need for the birth ready, as well as pack the emergency bag should I need to go to the hospital - back up plans are always a good thing.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I have a really nasty flu, I almost had to go the hospital yesterday because my fever spiked and Tylenol was not bringing it down. Normally 102°F isn’t doctor worthy to me but everything is different when you are pregnant isn’t it? While I do have a bun in the oven, I don’t need to burn her (or worse, deliver early!) However that fever broke shortly after Michael got home to take care of me. He took Damian to the store and bought me gingerale and chicken soup too, I love that man.

It is ironic that when you are completely congested, all you want is to be able to breath, and then when you brain is draining out your nose (seriously, it has to be brains, there is no way my body can create that much mucus, so gross) all you want is to be a bit more congested.

Today I woke feeling a bit better except for really awful nausea, now that that is gone and I feel just as gross as yesterday again, my fever is back and forth between normal and 100°F. Luckily not any higher, Tylenol is doing it’s job. I ran out of elderberry syrup though so my throat is just killing me. I can focus enough to blog though! Whether I should be typing in this state is a matter for another discussion. As is if I have H1N1 because I know someone is going to suggest it and get all freaked out. If it is oh well, the likelihood of it taking me out is very low. What is kind of amusing though is even if I wanted to get vaccinated (which I don’t) I couldn’t anyways. Even though I am in one of the highest risk groups to get the disease, pregnant and in my 20s, the first volley of the vaccine out now is the nasal spray, which is a live vaccine, which means I can’t take it - because I am pregnant! The shot probably won’t be available until Ivy is born which kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it?

Damian is being amazingly good through all this, when I was throwing up earlier he stood beside and gently patted my back and later when I was laying down he either played quietly by himself, came and snuggled with me or sat beside me and pet my hair. A couple times he tried to bring me his sippy to make me drink and he also brought me toilet paper (I don’t have kleenex) when I was sneezing. So cute! Granted he then ran off with the toilet paper when I fell asleep again and tped the living room… Hehe.

They are calling for potential snow flurries tonight, a forecast that is unfortunately echoed in with my almanacs (early snows and a truly frigid Winter.) I wouldn’t mind if they were both wrong, I am not really for snow, much less a repeat of last year’s Winter. Besides if it keeps getting colder I am going to have to figure out how to fit Damian’s Halloween costume around a snow suit (and since my Mom said she wants to get him one in Canada, I have been holding off looking for one. Not that they are selling them here yet anyways.) For the curious, I was going to make Damian a sunflower for Halloween but some thought that that was a little too emasculating, so I am making him a bee. I might dress as a sunflower though!

I am watching PBS documentary, the original Olympians competed naked? I would love to see that in today’s Winter Olympics. Let’s see how tough those skiers really are!

Wow, I’m easily amused when I am sick…

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Time is flying by lately and Damian seems to be growing in leaps and bounds. I feel like he is coming up with some new little thing to wow us with every day. It is so magical to witness his personality developing. Lately we have been fully appreciating the last warm days of summer in our backyard. I’ve been watching Damian’s love for flowering dandelions transition to a love of dandelions that have gone to seed. He wanders around and picks all that he can cram into his little hands and then either blows on them or makes a running b-line for one of the raised beds. While I am generally faster then him (I’ve noticed the pregnant waddle returning recently,) I do now have a few little quarantine areas in the winter bed where I am watching for explosions of dandelion sprouts among the carrot. Do you think he will be helping me plant seeds next Spring?

My website ticker says that I am 30 weeks along with just 70 days until Ivy’s due date. Seriously, time is flying by! My midwife will be drawing blood this afternoon for the usual tests, ick! Not that I have any apprehension, but I don’t think anyone enjoys being stuck. I am grateful that Beth will be doing the draw I never feel it and she gets it right the first time (in the past nurses and doctors tend to butcher my arm looking for something to tap.) I have wanted to clarify something about my midwife, recently I was asked if I have two of them as I often refer to my midwife as either Beth or Linda. The answer is yes… and no. The Spokane Midwives practice is owned by both Linda and Beth but it is only ever one of them who gives me my check ups and only one will be attending Ivy’s birth (with an assistant.) Linda was the one who helped deliver Damian but I wouldn’t have minded if it had been Beth on call. I love them both and they are both equally experienced certified nurse midwives.

Since time is zooming along, I am pulling out my Bradley Method workbook today. When I was pregnant with Damian we took Bradley classes and while I was a bit of a skeptic at the time I know now that it is definitely the right choice for my body and desire for another natural birth. So in other words, it is time to start the review.

Another question I was asked recently is if I am having the intense and spiritual dreams that I had when I was pregnant with Damian during this pregnancy too. If you followed this blog when I was carrying Damian you might remember the dreams I had involving both condors and snakes. I have had similar dreams this time around but mainly with jackals (sometimes they are coyotes) and snakes. Lately luna moths have been present in some of the dreams too. The animals have never been frightened me, completely the opposite, they all have been incredibly maternal, supportive and protective. Even the moths, which are luna moths but prehistorically large are oddly maternal. So far they have only been present in the dreams where I have just given birth and they cover Ivy like a cozy blanket.

I generally try not to make predictions (at least not publicly) with my pregnancies, after all I thought Ivy was a boy, but I also keep dreaming she will be born the day after Thanksgiving, November 27th, which was my Grandpa Mason’s birthday (and the day I broke my arm when I was 13 too but let’s not think about that.) We will see I guess!

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Michael took this photo of me before we went to the Millwood Farmers Market yesterday. I’m 27 weeks along for the curious. 90 days to go! I am standing under one of my Titan sunflowers growing in one of my raised beds. I don’t know if Damian or I love it more.

I forgot to take a photo of our market haul this week and we have already eaten some of it, whoops! But this week we bought:

• Apples, Pears, Watermelon and Sweet Peppers from Pacific Produce
• Romaine from C&S Hydrohuts
• Chunky Southwest Salsa from Granny D’s
• Sun-Dried Tomato Bread from Arabesque Farms & Bakery

We normally buy Small Planet Tofu too but he was not there this week, so we used the money on bread instead. It is SO GOOD. If you get a chance to go to the Millwood Farmers Market, definitely give them a try. One thing I love about the market is that I can barter the price on a lot of things, I only had $5 left and she gave me a deal on the bread because of it. Too bad you can’t barter at the grocery store!

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I watched Rachelle, my friend Shannon’s 8-year-old daughter today. It wasn’t nearly as traumatic and I was worried it would be. Of course it helped my neighbor’s 10-year-old daughter was home and they played all day between my and her yard.

Did you know that the mother who controls the juice boxes controls the world? Mwahahahaha! The power of snacks!

Can’t believe I just said that… Anyhow, I’ll be watching her again tomorrow and then she started school on Thursday. Even though she basically took care of herself all day, I feel exhausted! Damian really wanted to roll with the big kids but he isn’t quite there yet. So there was lots of chasing around and a couple “but-why-can’t-I!” tantrums involved. Draining! At least he gives me my workout. I think it is impossible for me to be out of shape with my personal trainer toddler.

Speaking of my spawn, this pregnancy has been treating me well so far. Last week’s checkup with marvelously well, I’m right on all my numbers, as are Ivy’s. Her heartbeat is 145 for those who previously asked. The only problem thus far is that my sciatica is starting to rear it’s evil little head again, which happened at this same time when I was carrying Damian. I recognized it early this time though and have been working on keeping it from becoming debilitating again. So far so good! Also something is really aggravating my sinuses this week, probably the wildfires up north. It burns when I breath and the insides of my ears itch like hell! Bleh. It isn’t as bad this evening though.

This past week I have been strongly considering buying a crib. Damian never used one because we bed-share (and now he has a toddler bed.) When he was younger either I napped with him during the day or laid him on a floormat. Since it was just me and him I never felt it was a safety issue. However Ivy will need a safe place to nap during the day, away from her inquisitive and playful brother. Luckily Shannon gifted us with a crib which is in excellent condition (she bed-shared with Rachelle too so it is only slightly used.) We had to buy the mattress, but I would have replaced one anyhow. Yay for wonderful friends and saving some coin!

As for the picture at the top of this post, it felt weird posting without one so I give you gratuitous butt shots and bean stealing from this past weekend’s trip to AC Farms in Otis Orchards. You can never have enough green beans.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

(One of the projects I am working on that Damian is helping with is building new raised beds. He is really enjoying helping me double dig the ground which they will be built on! And yes, he is running in circles through the freshly turned dirt waving a little plastic garden fork in this photo.)

I know that every pregnancy is different (I have been told so ever since I conceived Damian and probably before then too!) but the differences are really quite remarkable. My physical condition is not really that different from when I was last pregnant but my psychological condition definitely is. Not to say I have gone to stark raving mad (too late! Mwahahahaha!) and it is really nothing negative at all… Let me try to explain. When I was pregnant with Damian, I was acutely aware of my pregnancy; every kick or flutter, every moment of nausea or cramp, every little thing, and now with Ivy I have hardly noticed any of that at all. Sure she kicks, and I am definitely noticing the nudges to the bladder more often as she grows, but I do not feel the intense connection with this pregnancy that I did with Damian. Not that it really bothers me, I don’t have time to worry about it.

I would hazard to guess that chasing around a toddler all day, as well as all the other domestic chores and projects in my life are a big factor in why I have very much compartmentalized this pregnancy. I am not concerned about it but when I really think about it I kind of miss the connection. I think I might need to set aside some time for just her and I, maybe while Damian naps. On some visceral level I feel it is important for me to connect with her at this point in her development too. Does that seem silly? It is not as if she is going to remember me rubbing my belly and talking to her.

I do not want to regret anything about this pregnancy, I have one regret with Damian’s which I want to “fix” this time. I did not have prenatal photos taken, this October I am hoping Andrea will be willing to take them for me. She is the one who did the Stewart photos last year as well as our family photos with then month-old Damian. I want to make a birthing necklace that will be a mandala for Ivy when she is older with this pregnancy too. I have decided that I am going to have a mother blessing (sometimes called a blessing way) in October, rather then a baby shower. Other then a handful of items, I have most of what I need for Ivy since we needed it for Damian. A mother blessing is a more spiritually oriented ceremony then a shower, here is a nice little article talking about them.

One thing that has not changed at all from Damian’s pregnancy is the wild pregnancy dreams. The carrion eating animals are still even present, though whereas with Damian they were condors and vultures, with Ivy they are coyotes and jackals. While that might creep some people out, I find the dreams immensely comforting.

Anyhow, I just thought I would post some of my thoughts regarding this pregnancy since some people have asked. For the curious, to answer the remaining questions I have gotten breifly. I will be using a midwife again, still Linda and Beth, and am planning a homebirth assuming all continues to go well (I am not really concerned with anyone’s opinions regarding this, I assume your pro or con opinions have no changed since I made a similar choice with my last birth.) Physically, other then the occasional migraine (which are going away as my pregnancy progresses as they did with Damian,) I feel fantastic. Ivy is growing just fine and her heartbeat is strong. Her kicks to my bladder are becoming quite strong too. I am the right weight and my blood pressure is perfect. I am not quite as limber as before naturally (this bump is getting in the way!) but I have managed to keep with Damian and my daily walks and yoga. Damian is starting to notice Ivy kick when he sits against me, which is more amusing then I thought it would be, hehe.

Damian is starting to get old enough that he wants to help with everything, and while that doesn’t always help (if you know what I mean) I know he is going to be a fantastic older brother and great mommy helper when Ivy arrives. Both of which give me comfort and make me happy. I am happy. Everyone keeps asking me that for some reason. I am very much looking forward to meeting Ivy (her official due date is December 4th for the curious.) I am thrilled with my life and where it is leading, I am in love with my husband, I adore my son, I have fantastic and supportive friends. Most of all, I am also thrilled that we are nearing autumn, cooler weather sounds so wonderful right now.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I keep meaning to blog lately but really nothing much has been going on. We are in the midst of a heat wave, our temperatures have been about 10 degrees above average for almost two weeks now. The clouds that linger at sunrise make for a beautiful morning sky but burn away quickly. We had a little Lughnasadh gathering this past Sunday but several people ended up not being able to come (they were probably hiding out from the heat too) so it turned into more of a simple cook out. I didn’t mind though, I always find the warm weather sabbats to be more relaxed.

I have been feeling the baby a lot more lately. She pokes Damian sometimes when he is nursing, it rarely notices but I find it rather amusing. The heat with baby belly has been a little oppressive at times but I am pretty adaptable, except during the hottest parts of the day. I have been catching up on all the projects that don’t require much physical activity, I switched my walk to early morning and Damian tends to get his bath around 15:00, when I find it to be the hottest. I let him play in the water while I cool my feet in the tub. Jim, someone Michael knows through work, gave us an old AC window unit which was very kind of him. The bedroom is nice and cool for sleeping now.

They say the heatwave will break later this week, which I am hoping for, I want to get out into the garden to start double digging for the new raised beds. The weeds are nice and fried under the plastic we laid down. We’ve been looking up lumber prices so that we can budget for the raised beds, I think we will be using 2×12 pine. I am hoping we have a couple short ends left from that projects so that I can make a couple mason bee houses for next year. They are a fantastic native pollinator. I have seen a few of them around and I want to encourage their population new Spring when they reemerge. Contrary to popular belief they are not a destructive insect. They are a solitary bee so only the females make nests and they make use of existing holes to do so, they do not drill holes in wood. They are called mason bees because they seal off each cell in their nests with mud. They are also quite docile and tend to only sting if you accidentally step on one or close one in your fist.

Beyond the heat and gardening, I have a new addiction. Grilled pizza. It is so good! I made it again for Lughnasadh and fully intend on doing it again this weekend and pretty much until the weather prevents me from lighting the grill. It takes more prep work then just doing burgers or corn, but it is completely worth it! I love grilled zucchini and peppers on mine.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

So I have my midwife appointment yesterday and I haven’t gained any weight (no cause for alarm) but my belly is measuring larger then it should be. This means one of two things, I am further along then I think, or there is more then one fetus in there. Possible too much information ahead.

Though I don’t think you can ever be 100% sure on your dates, I have only had one menstrual cycle since giving birth to Damian, which began April 1st and lasted for 10 days and was very heavy at some points. Three days longer then my former normal, but who knows what my norm is anymore, it was my first! I started throwing up when I was “suppose to” and generally speaking my pregnancy symptoms have matched where I think I am (12 weeks.)

My midwife uses a doppler instrument to measure the fetal heartbeat (it looks like an ultrasound wand if you know what that is) but had a hard time keeping track of my passenger. He or she was either incredibly active or I have a heartbeat on either side of my uterus. According to a friend, only Dr Who can have two hearts, I wouldn’t know but I’ll take his word for it!

So on July 16th I have an ultrasound scheduled to see what’s going on in there. I won’t know right away as the tech cannot tell me my “diagnosis” (makes it sound like pregnancy is a disease doesn’t it?) as some other specialist has to look at the results and then contact my midwife and then she will call me. (Convoluted!) But I intend on watching that screen like a hawk, I know what Damian looked like in this, if it looks different think I’ll know. Especially if there are two black voids with little flickering heartbeats in them, that would be kind of hard to hide.

I’ll be completely honest and say I am kind of hoping my dates are off, not because I will not adore twins if that is the case, it just feels kind of overwhelming right now. One has been challenging enough through all the diapers, teething, feedings, bathing etc and I just imagine that times two. Did you know that since before Damian was born I have had reoccurring dreams of having a little boy first and then fraternal twins, one boy and one girl? That might have me a little nervous too.

We’ll see I guess, right?

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

(Click the image for a bigger picture - 1024×768.)

This is how my birthing necklace looks so far (if I receive more beads, it will grow in length of course.) I really like how it has turned out too. I know not all the donated beads are red, but some people have difficulty following directions (I love you grandma and mom.) I find I really don’t mind though, the beads they sent were justified with special meanings which, in this case, were more important than color.

As always, Windigo had to get his adorable little face in my craft picture too. I usually crop him out but I thought he looked exceptional cute here.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I talk about the baby quite often but not much about the care I am receiving. I do want to talk about my midwives though, they are so amazing! I switched to Spokane Midwives about a month and a half ago and I have not been disappointed in the least. It is a practice run by two midwives, Linda and Beth and and they are everything I wanted.

I decided to switch to midwife care because I felt I was being treated like a sick person at the clinic I was going to. From talking to several people I also felt that no matter what hospital I switched to I would be treated as such. Pregnancy is a not a disease in my mind, it is a natural phase in my life. My attempts to discussion natural childbirth with my previous provider were also largely ignored and the doctor I saw (only twice, otherwise I only saw nurse practioners) had a very abrupt bedside matter and was rather dismissive. Since I desire a natural childbirth, this was a huge turn off.

Linda and Beth on the other hand (my midwives) are wonderful! I would say they are more skilled when it comes to drug free vaginal birth then a doctor too and they make me feel infinitely more comfortable.

Don’t get me wrong - I think that doctors are a blessing in the rare instances where medical intervention is necessary, but they are trained to operate and intervene, not to let things progress naturally. Did you know that in most developed countries midwife care is the norm, not the exception? I think that is why I find it so ironic that the USA has the second highest infant mortality rate (among developed countries, not worldwide) and we also have the most hospital births. If births attended by midwives were as dangerous as people perceived I doubt my insurance would cover them as well…

Michael is 100% supportive of my choice, he is my Bradley coach after all and has attended all the classes so far with me (and for 12 weeks of classes I think that says a lot for his dedication.) We weighed all the options together and did the research and both came to the conclusion that midwife care was the best choice for us. We both love Linda and Beth. They acknowledge Michael fully, rather then treating him as a wall ornament, they recognize that we are a team. They have great bedside manner. We never feel rushed at an appointment and they take the time to listen to all our concerns. At my visit today for example we talked about breech babies (my baby is currently feet down) and how to get him to flip naturally and stay that way, as well as delivery options for a breech baby (you can still delivery naturally but it does have an increased risk. Linda was not afraid to tell me about the risks, which I am grateful for.)

Linda and Beth do home births and also run the Spokane Midwives Birth Center. I am giving birth at the birth center since my insurance won’t cover home birth (I did not apply soon enough for it otherwise they would have.) The birth center is really beautiful though and I don’t mind going there at all (mmm birth tub!) I take my weekly Bradley classes there in fact. It is a 20 minute drive from our home. The level of care I am receiving from them makes me anticipate labor rather then dread it and that is a very empowering feeling.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Even when I am sick I find myself analyzing my body, more to tell my midwife about I suppose, maybe I am just a pawn in my curiosities greater subconscious plot, either way I have noticed something. Whether you have a doctor or midwife, they always ask what color my phlegm is, apparently this gives incredible incite into what ails you.

Did you know that phlegm is part of an ancient theory known as “humourism” which is credited to Hippocrates. It influenced medical thinking for more than 2,000 years, until finally discredited in the 1800s. It stated that the human body was filled with four basic substances (black bile, bile, phlegm, and blood) called the four humours, which are held in balance when a person is healthy. All diseases and disabilities result from an excess or deficit one of the humours.

So I have an excess of phlegm which is a particularly nasty shade of green. Nice to know this mostly likely means I have a healthy thriving infection! Last time it was this color I had bacterial bronchitis. “Healthy” phlegm is normally clear or white by the way. (However, the initial state of the common flu when the phlegm is still clear can also be the most infectious period, which means this is the time to cough on all those people you don’t like…)

Between my prescribed staying home, hot baths, ginger and Echinacea teas, rest, vitamin C rich foods, lots and lots and lots of water and absolutely no refined sugar I seem to be improving much faster then others I’ve infected. Not so green phlegm is showing up today and my ability to breath is slowly returning (which is always a perk.) The baby is as active as ever, which is a good sign of course.

I am feeling miles better then Sunday, I think yesterday was the hump day in this sickness.. I feel like I actually have some energy today, so as long as I do not overwork myself, it’s all good.

Baby shower is on Saturday and I am set on being well by then.

~~~

Off topic and a little bit of an older story but I think stories like this are tragic. I do not understand how that second model could possibly seen as more beautiful by the judges! She looks likes a skeleton.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

The distance between my fingers and my shoe laces is becoming harder and harder to bridge…

It is worth the stretch though, Michael and I are going to see Doomsday.
(My kind of movie.)

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

I seem to be breaking my habit as of late of no talking about my dreams. I have always had quite vivid dreams and I have a rather keen memory of them, I even remember one I had when I was as young as five. A lot of people say they are simply pregnancy dreams, and I know a lot of them are about my pregnancy but they are just as vivid as before. Maybe it is the pregnancy that is making me want to share them though! Still, I am coming to like outside perspectives on my dreams. I do not know why I am so nervous about sharing my dreams, maybe because I do not know anyone who dreams as vividly as I do, or maybe it is because they all just feel so personal.

So anyhow, I had this dream last night:

I am walking among ancient overgrown ruins, the sun dimly lights them. I can feel the sacredness of the place resonating deep in my bones and I walk in almost total silence. I find myself standing before a wall of rubble, in the middle of it is a stone doorway, the door has long rotted away. The wall and doorway is covered in soft moss with thousands of vivid tiny red flowers. I heard a hissing sound and look through the doorway, there is a huge vulture standing there. It spreads its wings and hissed again, I feel drawn forward, as if the vulture was beaconing me to enter.

I want to explain this bird as well as I can, if anyone recognizes it as a particular species I would love to know. Maybe it has some kind of indigenous significance. Of course maybe the bird is a creation of my dream mind too.

I am pretty sure it was a vulture as it had a bald pink/yellow head and neck. There was a ruffle of feathers at the base of its neck, initially all the feathers I could see were silky black. The black feathers made me notice its feet in particular as they were really light gray and quite contrasting to it’s feathers. It’s feet were not webbed and had long talons. When the bird spread its wings to beacon me forward there was a large white stripe on the underside of each of them, its wingspan was enormous, much wider then the door, I bet they were 9 or 10 feet from wingtip to wingtip (the dream may have over exaggerated this.) The bird had a bald skin “pouch” on its chest too. The only sounds it made in the dream was a kind of hissing sound, which was unnerving at first but became kind of comforting.

I reach the threshold of the door and the vulture turns and walk/hopped forward. Beyond it I see a pool of water. The water is an opaque green and seems to swirl around as if it has a mind of its now. I know that it is a bottomless sacred well. The vulture stops by the side of the water. I approach.

When I reach the edge of the pool I sit cross legged beside of it and instinctively run my fingers lightly over its surface. A gray mist rises from the water and takes the form of two women. They step from the mist to the ground beside me, the vulture bows with his wings half open and I rise to my feet. I feel a little surprised/frightened. One of the woman is old, not hunched and crippled, but ancient tall and proud. She is a wise crone. The other woman is a chimera, she has the body of a woman and head of a vulture with huge black eyes. She had a silky white feather ruffle at the base of her next and some down her arms. She was wearing a golden necklace with this symbol on it (sorry for it’s roughness, I made it quickly in Gimp.) The vulture stands beside the vulture woman and she rests her hand on it’s head.

The vulture woman reaches out and touches me between the eyes and the crone says something. I find myself in the desert, I am flying as a crow. I look down and see a dead woman, vultures are eating her body. The vulture from the ruins flies past me and lands near the body (he is much larger then the other carrion eaters) the other vultures scatter and maintain a respectful distance while he eats. The vulture eats the body’s heart and womb and takes flight, I follow him as he returns to the ruins. It is now night.

The vulture throws up a dimly glowing orb at the feet of the vulture woman and returns to her side. The vulture woman picks up the orb reverently and gives it to the crone. The crone looks at me and begins to speak something along the lines of:

“I am the bearer of the flames, I give light to their darkness. I guide them as they go to the source and return. I am the keeper of this Mystery, this process that the Infinite cannot touch.”

As she speaks the orb rises into the sky and becomes one with the light of the moon and starlight, the moon is wanning. As she continues to speak the moon passes from wanning, to new, to waxing. As the moon waxes a new brightly shining orb returns from the sky, it is as bright as a star. As the moon reaches full the orb comes to rest in the crone’s hands.

“We are all of the source, we are one and many, we are connected and the connection. I am one aspect of Creation, that of wilderness and woman. I am the tomb and womb, I am the midwife of life and death, I am healer and nurturer, as are you. The threshold is a sacred point of life.”

As this point she hands me the orb and I feel it enter my body. I know that my baby had just received it’s soul. I feel the vulture’s head under my hand and I look down, its is comforting.

And that was the dream. Woke up with a massive migraine, gotta love that.

In other news I think when I find the money I am going to buy a blank scrapbook so I can document my pregnancy. Maybe I will turn it into our newborn scrapbook too. I keep reading I should get an acid free one. I am hoping they say that on the packaging in Joanns…

~~~

EDIT:

(Photo from Wikipedia.)
I am nearly certain the bird in the dream is a California Condor (Thank you so much for the id Atara!)

Neat little youtube video about them. I like the shot of the three sunning their wings.

The California Condor is an 11,000 year old species of vulture that currently only lives in the western coastal mountains of the United States. The California Condor are the only surviving member of it’s genus (Gymnogyps) and is critically endangered. This vulture has the largest wingspan of any bird found in North America (10 feet!) and is one of the heaviest. They are one of the world’s longest-living birds, with lifespans of up to 50 years. I found this picture of the size comparison between a condor and a 6-foot man:

Holy crap that’s big!

Condors were poaching and poisoned nearly to extinction, until the United States government capture of all the remaining wild condors in 1987 - only 22 birds! In 1991 they were reintroduced into the wild. As of November 2007 there are 302 individuals living, 155 of them in the wild. You know I didn’t use to be so fond of vultures but mu opinion is changing a bit, these guys are quite majestic. I wish I could fly at 15,000 feet for 150 miles for a day…

Condors were considered sacred to some Native American tribes and capable of providing communication with the supernatural world. The Chumash tribe believes that if the condors become completely extinct, so will the tribe. Some people also believe that the Thunderbird is actually the condor.

~~~

EDIT #2:

Ok, more commenter thanks going out - thank you Jett! He suggesting the Egyptian link of the circular symbol in the dream.

I looked into it and found this site. Apparently the symbol is called a Shen Ring, it was “a stylized loop of rope with each end visible” and commonly seen as a symbol of eternity.

Not only that but it was carried by the Egyptian goddess Nekhbet, a vulture goddess who was the patron of Upper Egypt as well as the guardian of mothers and children.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

(Pretend that I actually have red or green tapered candles in those silver holders…)

I suppose I should post some kind of update, I’m still alive and kicking. Making lots of candles and pulling out Yuletide decorations. Do you prefer silvers and golds or reds and greens, or all of the above (like me!) I don’t know what it is about this year but I am in the festive mood earlier then usual. It is not even Thanksgiving yet after all. I am putting together a Yuletide newsletter for Temple Free Spirit; reading the contributions and writing my own article (about the history of gift giving) are definitely putting me in the holiday spirit.

Now we just need some snow!

What else… Not to much else that I am willing to publicly talk about it going on other then the usual baby ramblings. I hardly had any morning sickness today. Yay! I am tired a lot. Not so yay! And I am prone to random spells of bubbly excitement interspersed with tears. I also have this nagging feeling that my uterus is slowly but surely absorbing my brain…

Anyhow, back to candles. I am designing some holiday sets, I hope they look as lovely in wax as they do in my head.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.

Every baby needs their favorite plushy right? I think we should get our baby a Giant Microbe. I posted about these last year, I liked Ebola back then but I am quite partial to the Pond Scum and the Dust Mite now.

Really though, I was reading a study the other day that one toy stands above them all for teaching baby’s about problem solving. Blocks. Yes, just simply colorful blocks. (Yay for cheap!) I want the blocks I had as a kid.

Actually I think they were my dad’s blocks from his childhood. He still has them I am sure. They are wooden and painted and are in a little wooden wagon. I don’t know if I played with them as a child. I do remember my hoards of plushies though, so many that if I put them all in my bed I didn’t fit with them. My brother and I use to play “animal wars”, the red animals against the blue ones. My brother was quite partial to Tonka Toys. Not the crap plastic ones that they have now, but the old metal ones with all those little choking hazard parts; you know, the good ones!

What was your favorite toy as a child?

I still have my favorite, it is a brown horse plushy named Star.

Originally published at Michael and Jaspenelle by Jaspenelle. Please leave any comments there.